Thursday, April 26, 2012

Fear and Loathing in America

I met this week with many clients who first came to see me one, two and even four years ago and are now finding themselves exactly where they were when I first met them.  Why? Well, because change is hard.  Really hard.  When you seek out a reading for advice and help with a situation, 9 times out of 10 you already know what the answer is but you need some confirmation or validation from someone like me before you can make the scary change.  I know what that feels like.  We all do.  Change is hard.  But it is necessary.

I first met Jane (not her real name) four years ago just after she discovered her boyfriend was cheating on her.  I told her that he was the type of person that would always cheat.  It's just who he is.  He will always think the grass is greener.  I told her to move on, that a new love was waiting for her but first she had to leave this relationship.  Well, she didn't take my advice. She's four years older, still with the boyfriend who's still cheating on her, and now she's cheating on him.  This is not who she is.  She's not a cheater.  It's making her feel awful, it's effecting her health and her self-esteem.  So now she's lost four years of her life and when you're 37 and hoping to have children one day, that's a lot of time.  And she feels even worse than she did four years ago.

I also saw Robert this week (whom I first met last year).  He hates his job.  He's hated it for about 12 years.  The people are negative and gossipy, and the boss plays everyone against each other by picking a different favorite employee each week.  Robert really wants to go back to school and become a nurse.  But, he's afraid of leaving his job, he's afraid of going back to school and paying for it, and he's afraid of making a drastic career change at his age.  I told him a year ago that I saw him going back to school and changing careers.  I said that the universe would continue to conspire to make his job nasty and difficult to propel him on his path of change.  Does that make sense?  He's currently off his path.  He was supposed to go back to school about ten years ago -- right around when his job started making him crazy.  It's only gotten worse at his company.  Why?  Because he's supposed to make this big change, but he's afraid so the universe is going to get louder and louder and louder.  Four years ago Robert needed knee surgery.  Do you know what that means?  It means he's not bending.  He's being stubborn.  Soon, he might need hip surgery.  What does that mean?  Afraid to move forward with life.

When we don't listen to the universe, it gets louder and louder and louder.  Take me, for example.  I don't always practice what I preach (if only).  Three years ago, I started getting the message to slow down.  I came down with bronchitis twice that year.  I ignored the message.  The next year I got shingles in my left eye and holy cow, let me tell you, that is really, really painful.  Still, I ignored the message.  And so the universe is now screaming at me.  I have breast cancer.  What does that mean?  I have to slow down.  I have to make changes in my life.

Do you see what I mean?

Change is inevitable in life.  I understand exactly how Jane and Robert feel; however, we are here to change.  That's the whole point of our being here on Earth -- to change and to grow.  When we're not changing, we're not growing.  When we're not growing, we're not learning.  The whole point of being here is to learn two things: how to love and how to overcome fear.

Another client I saw this week reminds me that when we do make the big change in our life, wonderful and amazing things can happen.  Pat first came to see me a couple of years ago.  She was struggling with her marriage and her career.  I told her that she needed to leave Wilmington, that the energy here just wasn't for her.  She said she'd been feeling that way for years, but she was afraid to change jobs, to move.  What if her husband couldn't find a job?  What if they couldn't sell the house?  I told her to leave all those worries with God and to just start affirming "I am worthy of happiness, love and success" while envisioning herself happy in her marriage and in her job.  She told me this week that after doing that for six months, she finally got the courage to look for a new job.  She found one that allows her to work from home.  Two months later, her husband got a new job in their home state of New York.  Her marriage is going great, and they're expecting their first child this August.  Luckily, since they're back up North, they'll have plenty of family around to help them with the baby, and Pat gets to work from home while raising her child.  None of this would have been possible if she hadn't envisioned the success and made the first steps toward positive change.

So if you're reading this and you're thinking, "Uh-oh, I've been getting the message to leave this relationship, this job, this house, this (fill-in-the-blank)," then take this blog as a sign to start making the change.  All it takes is a leap of faith.  Life is scary.  It just is.  But in the midst of that fear is where we discover the truth of who we are.

Jump in, dive in, ride that roller coast and buckle up because it's going to be a bumpy ride, but know this --- you're not alone, you will get through this, and at the end of this fun, crazy and wonderfully scary ride, you'll be a better, stronger, more loving and happy soul.


  1. I love this. Thanks you, and i'm going to use your quote "in the midst of that fear is where we discover the truth of who we are".

    Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers and sending you white light daily. xxoo

  2. Love this post, thank you!

    I may have said this before, but I once read an acronym for fear that has really helped me put things in perspective.....Fantasized, Events, Appearing, Real

    I have taken that and made it a monthly goal to do things that I used to fear...took a fencing class and didn't make a fool of myself, joined a softball league and made some awesome supportive friends (didn't make but one point the whole season but had fun), hosted a book club at my home which was lovely (I had a huge fear of others coming to my house) etc etc.

    Your words ring true for all of these 'fearful' things I am undertaking........."at the end of this fun, crazy and wonderfully scary ride, you'll be a better, stronger, more loving and happy soul".


    Thank you for the light you shine on so many lives Samantha! :)

  3. What you have given through your work and your radio show with Deb has touched both my life and so many others. I've received so much from your shows and I know there are many of us who are wondering--what can we do to support you during this time, to give back? And for those who wish to send support in a financial form, can we donate to support the show and/or a certain cause?