Sunday, March 25, 2012

The Power of Forgiveness

The power of forgiveness is infinite.  It has the potential to heal -- both physically and emotionally -- it can break down blockages of illusion and stuck energy, and it can lead to new roads of progress where before there were none.

When Christ was on the cross dying, he said, "Forgive them for they know not what they do."  For 99% of the people who hurt others, this is very true.  They don't know why they're being hurtful, why they're saying or doing the mean things they feel compelled to throw upon you.  Those who hurt us are often ignorant, immature and very young souls.

Some, a very small percentage -- but an important one indeed -- are simply evil and they do hurt us on purpose.  They enjoy it, in fact.  But even these evil people, I'd like to think, don't know why they enjoy being so evil.  Some are just farther from the light and can't see the true glory it can bring if they just for a moment surrender their needs, wants and desires to this higher power.

But, really, all of that is neither here nor there.  Once the hurtful act has been committed, it's up to us to move on.  The person who hurt us will rarely spend more than a moment thinking about it.  For some, they're completely oblivious to the fact that they hurt us.

Everything that happens to us -- good and bad -- is an opportunity for us to grow.  We are here, on this Earth, for the simple purpose of learning about and growing in LOVE.  The more you're able to forgive, the more you can grow in love.

When we forgive someone who has wronged us, we do not have to reengage that relationship.  In many circumstances, it's advisable to move on from the person who's wronged you, so remember that forgiveness does not mean letting that person back into your life.  Forgiveness really has nothing to with the hurtful person.  It's all about you -- allowing yourself to grow, heal and move on.

When we choose not to forgive, we're holding on to anger, regret, pain and often guilt, shame and self-doubt too.  I once heard a psychiatrist explain that the anticipation of guilt is what keeps us in line, but the physical feeling of guilt should remain in the body for no more than 90 seconds.  Anything more than that, he explained, becomes a self-indulgent emotion.  I do feel that for many, holding on to these negative emotions is self-indulgent.  When we choose not to forgive, we're allowing ourselves to stay in the role of victim.  Many people enjoy playing the victim because then they don't have to do anything.  They have a perfect excuse to stay stuck and to avoid the fear of moving forward.

But, when we choose to forgive, we allow ourselves to let go of so much pain.  We move from victim to victor.  We move from sadness to joy and from illness to health.

Here are some questions I often receive about forgiveness:

1) How do I forgive?

Forgiveness is a process.  It happens over time.  When the disciples asked Jesus how many times one should forgive, he answered, "Seven times seventy times."  Be patient with yourself.  Some good strategies to begin the process include writing a letter to the person you need to forgive. Tell him all the reason why you were hurt and then explain that you're now choosing to forgive him.  Add, "I forgive you and I let you go."  When you're done, throw away or burn the letter.  Memories are stored in our cells and our cells don't know time.  So when you go over the hurtful memory, your body reacts as though it's just happened sending cortisol coursing through your body which increases stress.  Try to replace these memories through making a habit of picturing three red X's in your head while saying, "CANCEL, CANCEL, CANCEL."  Then try to remember something lovely and wonderful instead.  Through the process of forgiveness you might want to seek the help of a therapist.  The important thing you need to focus on is allowing yourself to release, to let go of the anger and sadness.  You can hit a punching bag, beat a pillow, or scream into said pillow. Give yourself time to grieve. Slowly, you'll begin to feel a melting.  For some it may take months, for others, years. Be patient with yourself and remember that any movement forward is a good step in the right direction.

2) The person I'm angry with hasn't asked for forgiveness.  Shouldn't he do this before I forgive him?

No, forgiveness is about you, not the other person.  The word means FOR GIVING.  It's a grace your give to yourself.  The person who wronged you is really inconsequential.  The hurtful act is in the past.  You've moved beyond that.  Now prove it to yourself by forgiving that person.  The hurtful person need never be aware of it.  You don't have to reach out to this person and say, "By the way, I've forgiven you" because, more than likely, they'll say, "So what?" Remember, they're not the issue; you are.  They don't even have to be alive in order for you to forgive them.  Trust me, they will know and appreciate your forgiveness even from the other side.

3) I'm worried that if I forgive her, I'll feel weak, more like a victim, not less.  Isn't that true?

No, forgiveness makes you the stronger person.  The longer you stay in the fight, so to speak, the weaker and more pathetic you'll appear and feel.  I've used this tug-of-war metaphor before, but I think it bares repeating.  If you're playing tug-of-war with someone and you decide to let go of the rope and walk away, it's the other person -- not you -- who loses and falls in the mud.

4) I feel as though I have forgiven this person but the anger remains.  What do I do about that?

Be patient with yourself and remember that forgiveness takes time.  Reflect on these questions -- what am I really angry about?  How is holding on to this anger serving me?  What am I hoping my anger will prove?  Very often, when we're angry all we're trying to do is prove to everyone that WE are right and THEY are wrong.  Like I said above, let go of the tug-of-war rope, walk away and be the bigger person.  Anger serves its purpose -- it protects us and prevents us from placing ourselves in front of mean people in the future -- but it only serves its purpose for a small amount of time.  You need to learn how to work through anger to the next stage -- acceptance.  Yes, this unfortunate situation happened, but now what?  Now you need to examine the blessings in the situation, the lessons learned and then move on.

5) I'm most angry with myself.  How do I forgive myself?

Often the hardest person to forgive is ourself.  The only way to work on this is through loving yourself.  Begin a GRATEFUL FOR ME journal.  Each day write down three things you loved about yourself that day.  "I love the way I cooked a great breakfast for my family.  I love that I took time to nurture myself by walking the beach today.  I love that I let an elderly lady go in front of me at the grocery store.  I am a good person.  I am worthy of good things.  I am lovable, loved and loving." Be kind with your thoughts about yourself.  Do something each day that is fun and rewarding just to you.  Accept compliments with ease and practice random acts of kindness for you.  Treat yourself to an ice cream, go out to dinner with a friend, rent a good movie, press the snooze  button one day this week more than once.  In short, be nice to yourself.  Treat yourself like you would a new friend.  And practice a daily affirmation of self love.  

For more help with this, consider calling in to the Power of Forgiveness telecourse Wednesday night that I'm teaching with Deb Bowen from 8:30 - 10:30 pm eastern standard time.  For more information, email me ( or visit my website (

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Living With Integrity

I met a lovely woman the other day and through the course of her reading, her father eventually showed up.  He was there the whole time.  I could feel him on the periphery, but he was reluctant to come through. His energy was filled with apologies, but it didn't appear at first as though the daughter wanted to hear that.  She told me that he'd left the family when she was young and she rarely saw him after that. I'm sure he had caused her and the family a lot of pain when he was alive, but the energy he gave me was filled with repentance, total responsibility for the pain he caused and a sincere request for forgiveness.

Now, you might be thinking, well, good.  He should feel that way.  And I agree, but what was unusual about this gentleman is that most people who need to ask for forgiveness will blame their behavior on other people.  Other dads in similar readings, for example, have blamed their own painful childhood, or the nagging wife they were married to, or their finances.  The list goes on and on.  But this gentleman died, went to the other side, completed his life review and took total responsibility for his wrongdoings.  This is a huge step in his spiritual growth.  One thing that stayed with me is when he said, "I wasn't a man of integrity, and I am sorry."

A person of integrity is someone who is honest -- with themselves and with others -- even when they don't have to be.

I'm shown in my readings that this counts big time for our spiritual growth.  If we're at the grocery store, and our butter rings up as .19 cents instead of $1.90 and we say nothing, this is compromising our integrity and therefore hindering our spiritual growth.  If we gossip about a friend that we think is making a bad decision but refuse to be honest about our concerns with that friend, we're compromising our integrity.  When we run away from difficult situations as my client's father did, we're sacrificing our integrity big time.  The small and big moments in our life count the same on the other side.  A lie is a lie is a lie.

In one of my favorite books, The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, he describes the First Agreement as this:

Be Impeccable With Your Word.  Speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Avoid speaking against yourself or gossiping about others. Use the power of the Word in the direction of truth and love.

Truth and love.  These were two things my client's father ran from, and he's heartily sorry for it now.  Is it too late?  I don't think so.  He's really owned up to what he did and is truly sorry.  Luckily, my client is a generous, open hearted woman who seemed receptive to consider forgiving her father.  If she can, she will help her father to truly grow and heal and in doing so will allow herself to do the same.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Crystal of the Week: Iolite

Iolite is a great third eye stone as it will help you to safely open your third eye and learn to accept your psychic abilities.

It also helps with brainstorming and creativity, so place Iolite on your desk if you often need to come up with bright ideas or creative solutions.  Placed in children's rooms, it helps kids learn to get along with each other.

Iolite is especially useful for those suffering from additions, especially alcoholism.  When meditated with, it helps one to realize the cause or the addiction.  When worn, Iolite can assist maintaining daily sobriety.

It's also useful for eating addictions and can help one to lose weight.

Iolite will help us to release long held negative thoughts and beliefs.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Hello From Heaven

I was asked this question on our PsychicTeachers Facebook page and thought the answer would make a good post:

"Is there a transition period between death and when the deceased can start communicating with us? In other words, how long after death does it take for a loved one to "see" us or send their energy to us?"

This is a really good question and, unfortunately, the answer isn't simple.  If someone dies very suddenly or tragically, it can take them some time to reach out and communicate with those of us still here.  There are resting places on the other side where newly arrived souls can go to acclimate to their new surroundings.  It really depends on someone's personality and belief system as to how they will handle their transition.  An atheist or agnostic, for example, usually has a harder time dealing with this change than a believer.  If someone dies angry and upset, say from a suicide or murder, then they, too, may have a harder time.  If, however, someone knows they're dying and have been preparing for this for several months, usually they can communicate with us pretty easily.

When I first started doing readings, a woman made an appointment with me about two weeks in advance.  She showed up for her appointment in tears.  She was clearly distraught as she walked into my office.  "My father died last night," she said.  "Can we still please do the reading?"  I said I didn't think it was appropriate, but she was so upset that I acquiesced. Her father came through with so many amazing validations and even gave me the name of the hymn he wanted played at his funeral.  

I would never do that again because it's just not right.  But I was new and was still learning.  Still, it showed me that sometimes they can communicate right away.  Again, it comes down to personality.

For an example, I'll refer to one of my old, favorite TV shows  - The Golden Girls.  Now, if you're familiar with the characters, read on.  Blanche would take no time communicating and flirting with those of us still here.  Rose would probably take awhile because she's not the brightest bulb and it would take her awhile to get used to the new way of communicating through pure energy rather than a voice box.  Sophia would spend most of her time reuniting with old friends and family before she thought of sending communication back and Dorothy, well, she would be a bit skeptical of the whole thing and would have to test everything out before she would trust communicating with her children still here.

When our loved ones in heaven communicate with us, they have to learn how to work their energy.  For some, this takes them quite some time.   One time, I had a dream about my mother-in-law and it started with a crash in my kitchen.  When I ran into the kitchen, there was my mother-in-law.  I said, "Maggie! Are you ok?" And she said, "Wow, that was harder than I thought."

I had another dream visit with a friend of mine and when I reached for his hand, he said, "I haven't learned how to do that yet.  You can see my body, but it's not really a body, so there's nothing to touch."  Two weeks later, I had another dream and he hugged me.  

So they have to learn how to work their energy before they come to us.

Also, if you're experiencing a lot of grief, anger and sadness -- which are all appropriate emotions in the beginning stages of grief -- then you create a cactus like energy around you preventing your loved ones from getting through.  If you're going through this tremendous grief, try telling your loved one, "I really need to hear from  you.  If you can't get to me, please send a sign or message to                  " and then pick a friend or family member who knows you both but isn't experiencing the same level of grief.

For more information on this, two great books to check out are Testimony of Light and Handbook to the Afterlife.

If you have a question you'd like me to answer, post it on the PsychicTeachers Facebook page or send me an email at

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Crystal of the Week: Malachite

Malachite is known as the "Stone of Transformation" because it helps you to release old blocks and prepare for new and positive changes.  It helps to clear and activate all the chakras, working especially well with the heart and throat chakras.

It's also known as a stone of birth and rebirth which means a few things.  One, Malachite will help you to recall and release past trauma and long buried negative memories so you can experience a rebirth of a new, empowered you.  And two, Malachite works well to help pregnant woman acclimate to the changes pregnancy and birth brings.

If you're dealing with a physical ailment and want to get to the true source of that pain and the lessons the illness is intended to teach you, meditate with Malachite to help you get to the heart of the matter.

If you tend to play the victim in situations, preferring to point fingers rather than acknowledging your part in the drama, Malachite will help you learn to accept responsibility.

Malachite is a very protective stone and is known to break in half to warn you of impending disaster.  It will also protect you from taking on other's negativity.  When cut in a triangular shape, it serves as protection against the evil eye. Malachite is often given to children to protect them from harm.  Women used to tie Malachite to cribs to keep the children safe at night.

Malachite works to break down energy blocks, obliterate illusions that tell us we can't do something and help us to release a "can't do" mentality so we can give birth to a "can do" attitude.

Malachite has an ancient history dating back to 4,000 B.C.  Ancient Egyptians would grind it into a powder and wear it as eye shadow.  It also adorned the headdresses of the Pharos.  One old Russian legend says that anyone who drinks from a goblet made of Malachite will understand the language of animals.

The lovely green stone is also recommended for salespeople as its said to help attract new clients and increased income.

Since Malachite is also called the "Mirror of the Soul," caution should be given to your mood before you decide to wear or hold a piece of Malachite because it will amplify whatever mood you're in.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Ask and You Shall Receive

During a reading this morning, a father came through to his daughter with this message: I've been trying to help you through this difficult time, but you won't let me!  Be open to help.  Don't try to do this on your own.

This is something I often hear from our loved ones on the other side.  They want to help us; they really, really do.  And they can.  But first you must ask.

God gives us all free will.  If you want help; you have to ask for it.  You have to give your loved ones in heaven permission to help you.  Once they receive permission, then they can do A LOT for you.  Like what? You may be thinking.

Well, I've seen deceased loved ones take credit for preventing accidents, overdoses, sexual assaults and financial difficulties.  They often take credit for matchmaking and helping us to get job, raises and promotions.  How?  That, I'm not so clear on.  Here's what I do know.  Our deceased loved ones are energy now -- pure and simple energy.  Thoughts are energy too.  They can use their energy to infiltrate thoughts.  So, for example, while your future boss is reviewing resumes and trying to decide which candidate he should hire, your mom in heaven can put the thought into his head that you would be the ideal candidate.  If your future spouse is going to be at a party on Saturday night, you grandfather can put the thought into your head that you should really, really go to that party.

Now, we too have free will, so you can see that there are a lot of variables.  You might resist the persistent thought to go to the party and choose to stay home instead.  That's okay.  I remember a reading once where a mom said it took her several attempts to get her daughter to meet her future husband.  The daughter laughed and said, "Yes, people tried to set us up three times but it never worked, and then we just bumped into each other at a New Year's Eve party.  It was weird, meant to be, I guess."  I told her it was more the doing of her mom and she should be happy that her mom is so pushy.  That's the downside to having shy, quiet deceased relatives. They're not going to really move mountains for you unfortunately because, as I've said before, we don't change our personality over there.  If your grandfather was quiet and shy and kept to himself, he probably won't be much help to you.  But if your aunt was loud and funny and outgoing, you can go to her with your request.  She will raise a riot of pressure with your guides until her request is heard.

I'm sure by now you're thinking, "What about destiny? Can our relatives mess with destiny?" No, they can't.  But I don't think destiny is as specific as we think it is.  If you're supposed to learn how to overcome romantic loss through betrayal, that could occur with the person you date in your 20's rather than the person you marry and have children with in your 30's.  It would be easier to experience that in your 20's, so a relative on the other side can help with that.

Or, let's say that it's your destiny to lose your partner to a tragic death and you're slated to grieve for one year.  But now it's been 18 months and you still can't see past the fog that's become your life.  While your loved one in heaven couldn't help with the tragic passing, they can help you to get through it by sending you the right people, books and resources to help you overcome this.  And if you've moved beyond grief to depression, your loved ones in heaven have the right to petition for some really great things to happen to you to help you get through this.  IF you're open to it.  You have to be open to receiving help.

I hope this post makes sense because this is really important to understand.  We aren't alone here on earth.  We don't have to go through our difficult times alone.  We do have to go through difficult times.  That's a given.  I mean, it's why we're here.  Picture a wall leading to heaven.  All of us are on this wall at varying stages trying to climb our way to enlightenment, to total knowledge of God.  Some of us are at or near the bottom, others are securely in the middle and some are almost there. It's a hard climb, but it's an important one.  We have help from those around us, but we also have help from those who have already made it.  Ask them to throw you a rope when you need it and be ready to catch it.  You'll see amazing and beautiful changes in your life if you do.

Happy Friday!