Monday, August 30, 2010

Win a Reading!

Come follow me on my blog and win a reading!  On September 30, I'm going to write down the names of all the followers, put them in a hat and select one.  The winner will receive a free thirty minute reading with Deb Bowen and I.  Become a follower of Deb Bowen at and be entered twice!

I want this blog to be a community of people who can learn, share and communicate with others on this path.  So become a follower and leave a comment!

Saturday, August 28, 2010


I've had a few readings this week with professed atheists.  In my experience, atheists are very bright people who have a difficult time rationalizing the unrationable.  They want definable proof, but that's not the way God works.  Imagine if Jesus, Buddha, and Mohammed came dancing down to Earth holding hands.  What would happen?  If you could really see Jesus, touch his wounds, talk philosophy with Buddha and discuss the crisis in the Middle East with Mohammed, what would happen?  You'd believe. But why?  God doesn't want us to believe this way -- out of knowledge, knowing and sometimes even fear.  God wants us to believe out of experience, faith and an inner desire to surrender to the mystery of all that is.

Some atheists have had a trauma or two in their life to deal with and, when their prayers went unanswered, decided the whole thing was silly and gave up.  I think it's like this:

Pretend there's a party you really want to get invited to.  You look for your invitation every day.  You plan in your head what you're going to wear.  You're consumed with excitement about this party.  And then, you're not invited.

What do  you do?  You put down the party.  "It was a stupid party.  I didn't want to go anyway.  Those people are so shallow anyway."  And on and on.

I think this is what happens to some atheists.  Life is the party and often we can feel uninvited.

All prayers are answered.  All prayers.

Sometimes the answer is no.

If you get a bunch of no's in a row, is it any wonder some people turn away from their faith?

In my experience, atheists are often very nice people who want to believe.  They just want proof.  And that is one thing they'll never get.  Faith isn't about proof; it's about belief.

I always say extra prayers for atheists, especially when they cross.  In the beginning, after we die, we see what we think we'll see.  So if you're a traditional believer and you think you'll see pearly gates, St. Peter and streets lined with gold, then that's what you'll see. If you think you'll see a meadow with flowers and your angels, then that's what you'll see.  And once you get acclimated to what's happened to you, then your guides take you to the real other side.

But, if you think that when you die, you'll see nothing, then that's what you'll see.  For a long time.

That's why I think it's important for us to pray for atheists that they will see the light -- now and always.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Pressed With Love

I find it difficult to remember the details of my readings.  They seem to pass through me like water going through a sieve.  But some readings stand out for a variety of reasons and stay with me.  I was blessed recently with a very memorable reading.  A young woman came to see me who'd recently lost her father.  The intensity of his emotion overwhelmed me, and I found myself tearing up with his love for his daughter.  This has only happened to me two other times, and I remember those readings vividly as well.

The only way I can explain it is like this:  it feels as though the loved one on the other side takes all his love for the person sitting in front of me and energetically forms it into a ball.  Then they take that ball and press it into my heart chakra.  I can literally feel this.  I can feel this warm, wonderfully energy pressing through my back and going into my heart.  It's an amazing feeling, and it always overwhelms me.

I don't like crying in front of people.  I'm a messy crier.  It effects my voice, my throat tightens, my mascara runs.  And so when this does happen to me, this pressing thing, I feel three things:  overwhelmed with love, embarrassed to be crying in front of a client, and worried that I'm not being the unbiased vessel a medium needs to be.  But, really, the tears aren't coming from me.  They come directly from the loved one who feels so excited to be getting a message across.

I think that this happens rarely because it takes so much energy.  It took a lot for that father to gather up that energy, and he could only pass messages for about ten minutes after that.  This lovely father misses his family almost as much as they miss him.  The only difference is that he can see them, check in on them and let them know in subtle ways that he's still there watching over them.  But, still, he made it very clear that he misses them a lot.

This bugged me for some time afterward.  Is he happy over there?  How can they miss us that much and still be progressing forward like they need to?  So later that night, I meditated and asked my guide.  He said that being in heaven is like being on vacation.  You're having a great time.  It's exciting and fun, carefree and liberating.  But you think of your family, you call them, send them postcards that say, "Wish you were here."  You miss them -- sometimes a lot -- but you're having a wonderful time.  And that's what this amazing dad showed me.  He was with his family members who'd crossed and his three dogs.  He was having a good time reuniting with all of them, and he really enjoyed spending time with his granddaughter before she was born and loves watching over his loving family here on Earth.

I debated a lot before posting on this.  I don't want anyone reading this to think that our loved ones over there are missing us and feeling homesick.  It's quite the opposite.  I just want everyone who's lost a loved one to know that they're still with you, checking in on you, and missing you too.  The only difference is that they get to see us.

My friend lost a loved one recently and she said to me, "I wish I could see him.  Just for a moment.  Wouldn't it be great if he could just pop into my room for five seconds to say, 'I made it.  I'm okay.  Love you. Miss you.' I'd even settle for a postcard," she lamented.

I know how she feels.  Death is such a final thing.  Even if you believe as strongly as you all reading this do that there is life on the other side, it's still so very difficult to deal with the finality -- the knowledge that on this earth, for the time you're here, you won't see them.  That's hard.  I think that's what that dad was trying to express to me.  He knew how much his family missed him.  And all he wanted them to know was how much he loved, loved, loved them and missed them too.  I think the whole "pressing" thing I felt was his desire for them to know this.  Maybe, for that day, that one moment, I was the postcard letting them know "I made it.  I'm okay.  Love you.  Miss you."

Friday, August 20, 2010

Love the One You're With

Thought I'd share with you all another of my favorite poems.  The author is anonymous:

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and see what that man has to say,
For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Who judgement upon you must pass,
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life is the one staring back from the glass.
Some people may think you a straight shootin chum
And call you a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum,
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest, 
for he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test,
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated The Man in the Glass.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Things that Go Bump in the Night

This morning my four-year-old daughter told me that she was awoken last night and came hurrying down the hall to our bedroom.  She saw my husband and me sleeping, and then she saw the adjoining bathroom door open on its own and heard a male voice say, "Good job."

I didn't know what to make of this.  It sounded spooky and she was a bit scared by it and wanted to know who it was.  I told her it was probably her guardian angel telling her she was doing a good job.

Our home is often active at night.  After our dog passed away, my daughters all told stories of seeing her prancing through their bedroom.  One daughter has complained three times of seeing a witch with a green face.  When she saw The Wizard of Oz for the first time this spring, she sprang to her feet when she saw the wicked witch with the green face and said, "I am strong and I will fight you!"  Since then, she hasn't complained of seeing the woman with the green face.  Another daughter said she saw her angel in her bedroom one night.  She described him as being hugely tall. "His head hit the ceiling."  She said he had tanned, dark skin and bright white wings and that he told her his name was Odin.  About six months after my mother-in-law passed, my oldest said, "I love seeing nana at night, but she keeps waking me up."

I want to make it clear that my children do not know what I do for a living.  They know me as a teacher and nothing more.  I never discuss any of this paranormal "stuff" in front of them.  Still, it's there.

I'm sure many of you reading this -- with or without kids -- have had similar experiences at night.  Paranormal State -- one of my favorite shows -- calls the hours between midnight and 3 am dead time.  Others call 3:00 am the witching hour.  It's believed that the night is when the veil between the words is more flexible.  I've read some "scientific" explanations for this -- something about electromagnetic something or other -- but I believe we are more apt to have paranormal experiences at night because it's the only time in our day that there's silence, that we're slowed down, and let's face it -- we all feel vulnerable when we sleep.  How many of you like sleeping with your toes peeking out of the sheets?

So what can we do about it?  Well, that depends.  When I was growing up, I don't think I ever once slept through the night.  I would barricade myself with stuffed animals, I'd beg and plead to keep a light on and, when I got to high school, I was finally allowed to have a TV in my room.  I'd sleep with it on and was rarely disturbed.  If your child is frequently woken up, let him or her sleep with a light on -- maybe one in the hallway.  Make a dreamcatcher with them and explain that this will catch all the bad dreams.  Buy them a set of worry dolls and help them to release their day and let go of their worries.  Make "monster spray"  by pouring holy water or spring water into a spray bottle and adding sage and other essential oils.  Let your child spray under the bed and in the closet before going to sleep.  Get into the habit of saying nightly prayers with your child.  All of this will remind your child that he has control, that she can discourage anything from coming to her at night.

And if you're older and still being woken up?  Imagine a huge lightbulb over your head and picture yourself "turning down your light."  Sleep with a crystal by your bed.  Some believe that if you sleep with a glass of water on your bedside table it will catch negative energies.  Ask your angels to protect you from being woken up and to ensure for you a good night's sleep.

What I believe that many lost souls wander at night.  If it's true that souls are given three days after they die before they have to cross, and if you think about all the people who die throughout the world each day, is it any wonder we aren't sleeping at night?

Let me explain.  Those of us who are highly intuitive -- whether we know it or not or are open to it or not -- have a light around us that's much brighter than others'.  Confused, newly crossed souls and earth bounds are attracted to that light like a moth to a flame.  They instinctively know that the light will set them free.  So they come towards it.  All you have to do is either consciously dim your light down or deal with an entourage in your room every night.  Not fun.  Have you ever watched Lisa Williams' show Life Among the Dead?  In between readings, she wears a hat to symbolically dim her light and let the spirit world know that she's off duty.

Try these tips tonight and hopefully you will sleep well!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I do? Marriage Survival Skills

I've mentioned before how my readings tend to come in themes.  This week, almost all my readings dealt with people in struggling marriages.  And even though I am by far an expert on marriage, I thought I'd at least toss in my two cents.  I've been married over thirteen years.  We've made it successfully through many ups and downs.  One thing has sustained us -- a common life goal.  My husband and I have always wanted the same things out of life.  We don't see eye-to-eye on much.  He's outdoorsy and thinks a day on a boat, a bike or a golf course tops anything.  Give me a good book, lunch with a good friend and a tea party thrown by my daughters, and I'm in heaven.  One time, I did go golfing with him and between rounds I read my book in the golf cart.  I was never asked to join him on the links again!
When we got married, he vowed to read a book, and I vowed to learn how to scuba dive.  He did read a book.  Count that -- one book.  And I did get my scuba diving license. But we've always wanted the same things out of life -- a successful marriage and a happy family.

I told him from day one that I would leave him in a New York minute if he broke what I call my 4 A's:

1) Adultery
2) Abuse -- mental or physical
3) Addiction
4) Abandonment -- emotional

To be honest, I added the fourth A after we were married and I noticed that he thought nothing of spending all his free time on the golf course or fishing with his friends.  He agreed to two days a month and I learned the first key ingredient to a successful marriage -- compromise!

In my practice I see clients all the time who are dealing with one of the four A's and it's not easy.  But what I've been seeing more of lately are people unsatisfied in their relationships just because.  There's no messy affair, no addiction, no abuse going on -- just a soft, unspoken malaise that settles in uninvited.

Harville Hendrix who wrote Getting the Love You Want talks about this type of marriage in his bestselling book.  He said when couples fall in love, they are flooded with endorphins. They are literally high on love -- unable to see any flaws or negativity.  Hendrix believes we expect our new partner to (gag, throw up) "complete us" like some cheesy line from that horrible Jerry Maguire movie.  No one can complete us . . . what does that really mean anyway? We have to find our happiness ourselves and look to our partner only for intimacy, support and a shared life.

Then he says the drugs wear off and the power struggle begins.  This happens, he says, in every marriage.  We engage in power struggles over everything -- big things like money, careers and raising children and small things like setting the AC too high or leaving dirty towels on the floor.

After the power struggle sets in, couples engage in one of three options:

OPTION 1:  The Hot Marriage.  These are the couples who fight all the time and then make up.  They're addicted to the fighting as much as they are to the euphoric make up scene and temporary honeymoon period that sets in until the next fight.  Word of advice:  If you have a friend in a hot marriage, don't say anything bad about her husband.  She may hate him now, but trust me in two days they'll be back in love  but she'll remember your words.  I had to learn this the hard way with a few friends of mine.

OPTION 2: The Parallel Marriage.  This is when both couples agree not to divorce but they also make no effort to change their communication styles.  I call this type of marriage The Roomate Marriage -- two people who live together, share custody of the kids but don't engage in any real relationship.  These people will look to their job, their church, friends and sometimes to an affair to get their needs met.

OPTION 3: Divorce.  A tough choice.  Divorce isn't easy on anyone.  Check out this fascinating book:  THE LEGACY OF DIVORCE: A 25 YEAR LANDMARK STUDY by Judith Wallerstein.  She studied children of divorce for 25 years and her research offers stunning insights into this painful option.

Hendrix offers a fourth option: THE HEALED MARRIAGE.  In this option, he says couples need to learn to LISTEN to each other.  Most couples are so busy trying to prove their point, they don't listen to the other spouse.  My husband and I have to be ever vigilant not to fall into this trap, but we're both learning the value of listening.  For example, I have this special calling to work with women in prisons.  God keeps calling me to this in amazing ways.  I want to teach these women that they are valuable, loved and loving.  I want to teach them manifesting, forgiveness, and goal setting skills.  But my husband is adamantly against this.  I assumed it was because he was a police officer and had a jaded view.  We fought and fought until I finally took the time to listen to him.  His concern?  That I didn't have the time needed to devote myself to this project with three young children at home.  And you know what?  He's right.  So we compromised.  When my youngest is in school full time, I will volunteer one morning a week at our local woman's prison.

Hendrix also says couples need to EMPATHIZE with each other.  I think this one is particularly hard on men who love to fix things.  If I come home and complain about something mean a student said to me, my husband will tell me what I should have said.  It's taken 13 years, but he's finally learning to just listen and say, "Wow, that's terrible. I'm so sorry.  Let me make you a hot fudge sundae and I'll draw you a hot bubble bath." Okay, I'm exaggerating, but a girl can dream.  When our spouse comes home from a hard day, just listen.  Empathize.  Don't try to fix the problem and certainly don't offer any form of criticism.

His next strategy is VALIDATION.  We're all craving validation and we need it  most from our spouses.  Show your spouse in large and small ways that you approve of his looks, her career, his choices, her body, his friends.  It took my husband some time to come around to my intuitive abilities.  As a cop, he needs proof and evidence, not crystals and tarot cards.  As a devout Catholic, he was dubious to say the least of my decision to come out of the psychic closet.  So it meant the world to me one night a few years ago when we had a couple over for dinner.  The wife was discussing a problem with which she couldn't see a solution.  When I got up from the table to clear the plates, I heard her say, "I wish I knew a really good psychic who could just tell me what to do."  I laughed to myself because she had no idea then what I did for a living.  I almost dropped the plates when I heard my husband say, "Well, you're in luck because the best psychic in the world is standing right in that kitchen."  Since then, he's bragged about me to anyone who will listen.  It still warms my heart all these years later to think back on that night.

Hendrix believes healed marriages also need to show APPRECIATION.  Plan a surprise date night.  Buy your spouse a thoughtful gift just because.  Get home early from work one night to cook their favorite meal.  Initiate intimacy.  Say thank you.  And say it often.  "Thank you for that great meal."  "Thanks for taking the kids to the park so I could get my work finished."  "Thanks for vacuuming."  "Thank you for cleaning the toilets every day."  That's one I'm still waiting to hear!

He talks a lot about how to build intimacy in a marriage and says couples need two things to foster this important feeling:  they need to feel safe, and they need to feel supported.

Marriage is hard.  Period.  That's why all the fairy tales end at the vows because it's after the I Do's that things get tricky.  But marriage is a beautiful institution and one of the few mainstays that survives centuries and cultures of change.  Marriage might be hard, but in my experience, anything worthwhile take a lot of work and effort to achieve.  We don't have any good examples of marriage in our lives.  TV shows mock marriage with shows like Married with Children, The Simpsons and Everybody Loves Raymond where the man is made out to be a stupid idiot and the wife a nagging *itch.  In movies, marriages are often so happy, it's ridiculously unbelievable.  Or they're horrible tragedies.  But the in between, the mundane day to day work of making marriages successful is rarely explored. Our celebrities make a mockery of marriage too as they hop from one relationship to another.

So if you're dealing with a blah marriage, and not one of the four A's, I'd recommend checking out Hendrix's book or website

But if you are going through a divorce, know that your loved ones on the other side are with you -- offering you their love and support.  Call on them for help to stay strong.  Sometimes divorce is part of our soul's plan.  Often it just means we've finished our karma with that person.  Don't judge yourself and give yourself time to heal.  I always tell my clients that divorce is very much like a death and needs to be grieved similarly.  So be gentle with yourself as you embark on that journey.

The most important thing -- whether you're in an relationship or not -- is to work on making yourself happy.  We should never look to anyone else to "complete" us or make us feel fulfilled.  What pressure!  We should be able to happily engage ourselves in meaningful projects, hobby and work without needing someone else's input.  Love yourself and true love will always be yours.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Calling All Lightworkers

I spoke tonight on the PsychicTeachers radio show about a wonderful man I met this morning at church.  We had a visiting priest speak to us about his ministry.  He'd started churches in Mexico and Honduras, but when he was asked to do the same in Haiti, he was dismayed by what he found there.  The orphanage was crowded with children in need of medical help.  But when Father Rick asked members of the medical community to assist him repeatedly and received no help, he went back to America and earned his medical degree.  Now he could serve the people of Haiti as a priest and a doctor.  He built a pediatric hospital in Haiti only to see it destroyed a decade later in the earthquake.   He talked about how his only goal is to be a  light for the world -- to let God's light shine through him.  He called on us to light the world around us as well.  And so I'd like to ask you, dear blog readers, to take on the challenge as well.

This week, how can you be a lightworker to those around you?  Could you bring a meal to a new mom?  Or drive an elderly neighbor to the grocery store? Maybe you could drop off some pet food at the local shelter.  Or extend an apology to a family member.  Maybe you will feel ready to forgive a friend who hurt you.  Whatever you choose to do, please share it here and inspire others.  Help us to light the world one person at a time.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Do All Dogs Go to Heaven?

In a Sunday school class when I was nine, a teacher told us that pets don't go to heaven because they don't have souls.  This devastated me, and I always believed it to be false.  In my twenties when I learned to see auras, I started to see a glow of white light around animals and insects.  This was my proof that we all are created from the same light source -- all of us, even spiders and cockroaches.  Then when I began doing readings, I would see pets with the loved ones who came through to bring messages.  I've seen people with dogs, cats, rabbits, ferrets, and horses.

I had a lovely reading with a client recently where his dog came through and thanked him for his assistance in helping him pass on.  The dog even mentioned the date of his passing.

Another time, a dog came through to thank my client for rescuing him and encouraged her to rescue another dog when she was ready.

So do all dogs go to heaven?  Yes. And cats and fish and horses too.  All of us are created in our creator's image and share in that light source.