A yogi friend of mine shared this mantra with me today: Accept, adjust, accommodate. I find great comfort in that mantra because, when you really think about it, we have no control over anything except how we respond to life. And really all we can do is learn to accept what life throws at us, adjust to its complications/blessings and accommodate our life and our attitude to learn how to embrace these changes.
Life has recently thrown me one of these curve balls in the form of a lump I discovered in my breast last month. I've been diagnosed with breast cancer. Goodness, it's hard even typing those words. I've debated all month whether I should share this information or not, but friends have been encouraging me to saying that it might help others going through similar circumstances. At the very least, for those of you trying to schedule readings with me, you'll understand now why I've been a bit scattered with my email replies :)
I found the lump six weeks ago and went to get a mammogram the next day. My doctor explained that the lump was just a cyst but it was miraculous that it just appeared the way it did because without it, they never would have found the cancerous calcifications behind it.
The cancer is non-invasive, so I'm faced with two choices: a lumpectomy and six weeks of radiation or a mastectomy. But the doctors want to do more testing because another lump was discovered this week. I'll know more next week after I have an MRI.
My sister, a ten year breast cancer survivor, has been the most amazing support for me. She's been through this and knows what I'm going through. She always knows just what to say. My husband, too, has been great. His strong, unwavering faith is a true blessing. I'm surrounded by wonderful friends and family who keep sending me cards, affirmations and prayers. A dear friend of mine knitted me the most beautiful prayer shawl.
A wonderful friend accompanied me to the Duke Cancer Center this week and sat patiently by my side taking notes as different nurses, residents and doctors examined me and gave me their prognosis. She kept me laughing hysterically, to the point of tears, the entire day.
And every single nurse, doctor and PA I've met has been so, so kind. It's been truly amazing -- not one mean or snippy person in the bunch. They've changed appointments for me to help accommodate my children's scheduling needs, they've called or emailed to check in and have offered helpful books and websites to check out. My doctor's nurse calls me at home at least once a week just to say hello and see how I'm feeling.
All of this is so wonderful and supportive. Still, it's scary and weird and awful knowing that cancer is in my body. I'm having a very hard time sleeping and focusing on the dailiness around me. Work has been a blessing. The business of raising three children is great too. They don't know what's going on; they're too young so it's nice to spend hours on end not thinking about the C word. Still, I have to force myself not to ask "Why?" and to focus on what I tell my clients week in and week out -- don't ask why. Just accept, adjust and accommodate. What else can we do?
I don't know why this has happened to me, but I do know this: I have been and will continue to learn from this experience, and I will use it to help others.
I'm also very aware that this could be a lot worse, and it's not. My survivability rate is huge and with surgery and medicine, the recurrence rate is very low -- single digits. I've felt a constant presence by my side which has been extremely comforting -- more on that another time. I've been sleeping with my heart chakra bag every night and taking salt baths every other day. I've taken to saying the rosary a lot more than I normally do. It's so comforting to repeat the same prayers over and over. I'm visualizing ice cubes freezing the cancer cells so they don't move or grow. I'm doing Reiki on myself every day. And, maybe most importantly, I'm learning to ask for help -- not an easy lesson for me but an important one.
So on that note, I ask that you include me and anyone going through cancer in your prayers. There's no need for fear or worry; I really will be okay. I just would appreciate it if you could send me white light, good energies and prayers for healing and health. Thank You!!