Monday, January 4, 2016

This Isn't What I Expected

I listened to a brave and brutally honest podcast last week on Death, Sex and Money.  The host Anna Sale interviewed a mom of 2 autistic sons.  The mom explained how when she met, fell in love and married her husband, she had her whole life planned out.  Now she feels saddened and trapped by her overwhelming care taking responsibilities.  She has turned away from her faith and describes herself as an enthusiastic atheist.  When she talks about her sons and her worries for their future, you can still hear her love for these children.  She and her husband have remained strong throughout.  But she kept focusing on how she had imagined her life and how different the reality is.

I felt so much compassion and empathy for her.  We all start our life with so many plans, goals, dreams, hopes and expectations.  When I married my husband and began my teaching career, I was so  stinking happy.  And then when I became a mom, I thought life couldn't get any better.  I thought I had figured life out.  All you had to do was set goals, dream big and work hard to achieve them.  I think I even felt a little smug.

And then that horrible criminal tried so hard to kill my husband.  I've often thought how that one, small hollow point bullet changed so many lives.  When I was sitting in the hospital in what I call ICU hell, my sister said to me one day, "This is your before and after moment.  Your life will never be the same again."

I've got to be honest.  I kind of resented her for saying that because I knew it was true and I didn't want to face it.

And I bet if you think about it, you have your own "before and after" moment too.  It could be a death, an injury, an illness, a divorce, a job loss, a difficult move.  One of the main issues I help my clients deal with is surrendering to their new normal.  This is so hard to do because we want to hold on to that picture of how it's "supposed to be."

I met a client who I'll call Sue.  She is 64 years old and spent much of the last 12 years taking care of her mom who dealt with Alzheimers.  In that 12 years, she sold her house to move in with her mom and eventually lost her full time job because she had to take so much time off to care for her mom.  Now that her mom has passed away, Sue is dealing with the shock of her mom's will.  Sue was promised her mom's house which she felt was fair considering what she gave up to help her mother in her final years.  But when the will was read, she learned that the mom had split everything 50/50 with her brother.  I can understand this too.  Moms like to be fair.  But I get Sue's anger and shock too.  She had planned on spending her retirement years in a house that was paid off, traveling and volunteering at the hospital.  Now, she has to sell her mom's house or somehow come up with $120,000 to give her brother for his half.  The house is for sale.  Sue is looking to rent a small apartment and is actively job seeking.  She has turned her back on her brother and is refusing to speak to him.  Sue is stuck in anger.

I have another client I'll call Jeff.  He's 34 and works in pharmaceutical sales.  He has two daughters -- ages 2 and 4.  Last year, his wife announced that she was leaving him for her high school boyfriend and moving with the girls back home -- all the way across the country.  He spent his life's savings on attorneys trying to fight this to no avail.  Now he flies to his ex-wife's town once a month, sometimes less if he can't afford the plane ticket, and has to settle for seeing his kids for an afternoon or two while he returns to a lonely Holiday Inn before flying home.  He's looking for a job closer to his kids. Jeff has not attempted dating anyone since the divorce and has lost his zest for work and his love of surfing.  Jeff is stuck in sadness.

Sometimes when we hit our "before and after" moment, we stay stuck for awhile in what I call a perpetual temper tantrum.  I did this for years after my husband was shot.  I knew he had a brain injury and yet every time it reared its ugly head, I would respond with anger.  Then I would cry.  Then I would call my friends and yell and cry to them.  Lucky friends.  Finally one of my friends said to me, "Are you the victim here or is your husband?" Whoa.  That stopped me in my tracks.

Two things got me out of that stuck place:

1) I realized that life very often sucks for no reason at all.  Period.  I had to stop overthinking my new life and just accept it.

2) I was giving all my power to my anger and sadness. I had to let go of my picture of the perfect life I'd planned for myself and find the perfect joy that exists in the reality of my new life.

So there you have it.  That's my big solution.  I know it's not mind blowing or magic but trust me it works.  SURRENDER your idea of how your life is supposed to look.  Give that shit up.  Seriously.  Walk away from that.  This perfect plan you have for your life is like that pair of skinny jeans you wore when you were 18.  You know - the ones that still mock you when you walk into your closet.  Throw those evil things away.  And get rid of your "plan."  The beauty of life is that we have no control, literally no control, over what happens to us.  What we DO have control over is how we respond to what happens to us.

ACCEPT your new normal and move forward with your life.  Jeff emailed me before the holidays.  He is interviewing this week for 2 jobs close to his daughters. He's super psyched because both positions pay more and he's kind of excited about making a new start in his life.  Jeff is moving away from his sadness.  Sue is still pissed at her brother so nothing is changing for her.  She found a dead end job she hates and spent the holidays alone.  I really hope she accepts her new life and takes some of the money from the sale of the house to travel and reward herself so she can start to move away from her righteous anger.

Once I surrendered and accepted my new life which was so different from what I had planned, I started to see how I'd grown in really cool ways through this experience.  I never, ever would have found the courage to leave my safe teaching job and embrace my intuitive abilities if this hadn't occurred.  And because of that realization, I'm almost grateful this happened to us.  Once I realized all of this, my husband started to shift and change and improve in amazing ways.  Maybe he always was healing and I didn't see it.  He found a job he really enjoys. He's learned how to truly live in the present moment, and he gets to be home to help me raise our children. When he was a police officer, he had to work every single holiday.  Now, he's home with us, and my girls get to see their dad all the time.

If you're stuck in a "before and after" moment, ask yourself these questions:

1) What would happen if I accepted this situation and stopped fighting it? For example, Jeff felt that if he accepted this situation, it was almost like he was letting his ex-wife get away with something.  Once he surrendered to that, he saw this terrible change as an opportunity to advance his career and make a fresh start in a new state.
2) What are some positive things in this situation? For example, Sue should find huge comfort knowing she helped her mom's last years be ones of safety and peace.  She also is now completely free of all care taking responsibilities and can do whatever she wants with her life now.
3) What have I learned and how have I grown despite and because of this situation? I hope Jeff has learned how devoted he is as a father.  And I pray that Sue sees how empowered she became as a result of being her mom's care advocate.

Once you surrender and accept your life the way it is, you will see miracles take place in your world and the life you're meant to lead will start to form before your eyes.


Thursday, October 15, 2015

Do You Believe In Magic?

I'm sure you've all heard of the Christmas Elf -- that creepy little guy that Santa sends to keep an eye on kids.  The one we parents have to move every night.  Well, in my girls' school we've also adopted The Pumpkin Elf.  You know how it is -- once one family starts, well, you kind of have to as well or else your kid feels left out.  So . . . . we started the Pumpkin Elf tradition a few years ago and to be honest it's too much.  I keep forgetting to move the darn thing.

Last night, my 9 year old came to me and said, "Mom, is the Pumpkin Elf real?"

I did my best to look shocked.

"Yes, of course."

She stared at me in that way kids have when they appear to be looking into your soul.

I blinked and smiled.

"Well," she said. "I don't think he's real.  I don't believe in magic anymore."

Twist the knife in my heart a little more why don't you?  Being a parent is wonderful and fulfilling and blah, blah, blah but it's also heartbreaking watching your children grow up, to witness them letting go of everything that makes them a child of wonder and to be powerless to stop it.  Because, really, I can't stop it.  I'm grateful that she's growing up.  Still, it breaks me a little inside to think of her saying those words, "I don't believe in magic anymore."

I want my children to believe in magic - -ALWAYS.

I want them to see the magic in a tiny acorn that will miraculously grow into an oak tree.

To feel the powerful message in a rainbow after a scary storm.

To understand the magic that makes pressure and stress turn a piece of coal into a dazzling diamond and to believe that this can happen to them too.

To believe in the magical immortality of our soul.

In the magical help and support of our guides and angels.

To believe in the magic of their own imagination.

The eternity of their soul.

I don't want my kids to believe in Harry Potter and eye-of-newt magic necessarily, but I do want them to believe in the magic that is all around us and inside us.

Last weekend, we passed a homeless man and his dog begging and my daughter asked me to turn around and give that man and his dog money.  That is magical.  We were on our way to a day of shopping and she thought of this poor man and his dog.

This morning getting ready for school, my girls were fighting -- as usual -- and one of them said, "Guys, chill out.  It's almost Friday."

And they did.

How magical is that??

I want them to see that magic is inside of them and if they can just believe in that -- even for a moment each day -- they will be miracle workers, magicians if you will.

The Pumpkin Elf, The Christmas Elf, Santa, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy -- yes they are all fake.  But I like to think that when we parents act for these imaginary beings that we are breathing life into this idea of magic, of hope and possibility.

I still believe in magic.  I believe it's in me and you and all of us.  I believe it's what connects us all and makes life worth living.  Shel Silverstein in his lovely poem below says we have to make our own magic.  When I first read this poem as a little girl, it made me sad.  I wanted magic to be what I thought it was when I was young - glittering, instant, sparkling and easy.  But as I've grown up, I think he's got a point.  We have to make our own magic and we have to recognize it in others too.





Sunday, January 26, 2014

FOUR CRYSTALS YOU NEED IN YOUR OFFICE

In order to succeed at work, we need confidence, a passion for what we do and the ability to work well with others.  The following includes a description of four crystals that will help you excel at work with joy and enthusiasm.

Called “the Stone of Success,” Citrine will help you tap into that part of yourself that needs the confidence to ask for a raise or promotion.  Citrine increases your ability to attract success and invites more joy into your life.  It helps you remember your true purpose. It’s a highly motivational stone that increases energy and creativity.  The great thing about Citrine is that it helps you attract money and success hold on to it.



Garnet helps to restore our passion – for life and work.  It increases movtivation and gives you the energy needed to do your job well.  If you’ve been feeling down in the dumps about your job, put a piece of garnet on your desk.  It will regenerate your energy and revitalize your purpose. 





Called “The Stone of Luck and Abundance,” having a piece of Green Aventurine on your desk will increase your luck and prosperity.  Green Aventurine helps us to take good risks, make positive choices and feel luckier and more positive about our life.





Cluster quartz helps groups of people to get along and work well together.  Any cluster quartz will work.  A clear quartz cluster helps people work together with energy and drive while a rose quartz cluster helps people come together in harmony and joy.  A smokey quartz cluster would work if you have a negative person in your group of co-workers as this dark grey stone absorbs negativity from others.  The clusters of the quartz all grouped together help to encourage everyone in the office working together.  Keep one on your desk and in the conference room.



Sunday, January 12, 2014

Snack Bag Meditations


For those of you who listen to my weekly podcast -- Psychic Teachers -- you probably have heard me talk about my snack bags.  Every night - in lieu of meditation -- I decorate my daughters' snack bags for school with a fun drawing and an uplifting message.  I do this usually by myself late at night after the kids have gone to bed.  It's soothing for me, it provides my anxious brain with a quiet outlet, and lets my mind drift to where it needs to go.  As I'm drawing and coloring, I am breathing deeply, thinking about my day and talking to God.  It's very comforting.  I don't think I'm a great artist by any stretch of the imagination, and I am incredibly shy about sharing my work.  But so many of you have emailed me asking to see these darn snack bags, that I've finally decided to share some of the ones I've done lately.  I hope you like them, and I hope it helps you to know that in order to connect with ourselves, our higher power and inner voice, we don't have to sit in the lotus position "om"ing ourselves into oblivion.  Every time you are doing something that brings you joy and provides you with a break in your day, you are meditating.  I have friends who meditate while they are baking, exercising, writing, walking their dog and working on their car.  I hope this post inspires you to share more of what you love with the world too!
Being Different Just May Be Your Greatest Strength

Let Go of Fear and You Will Fly Free

Inside God's Creations are beautiful treasures waiting to be discovered.  What will you discover inside of you?
Thank you for saying YES to God Mary!
Your Are Not a Drop in the Ocean; You Are the Entire Ocean in a Drop -- Rumi
My FAVORITE poem -- click here to read it
She Who Leaves a Trail of Glitter is Never Forgotten
Shine On!
Cause Baby You're a Firework! - Katy Perry
He Will Cover You With His Feathers and Under His Wings You Will Find Refuge;
His Faithfulness Will Be Your Shield - Psalm 91:4
May You Always Be Surrounded By Great Friends
Owl Always Love You - -To the Moon and Back Forever and Ever
I believe in Christ like I believe in the Sun -- Not because I can see it,
but because by it I can see everything else -- C.S Lewis
To Paris With Love

Fear Not for I am with you.  I will strengthen you; I will help you.
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand -- Isaiah 41:10
All bag designs are the property of Samantha Fey -- www.samanthafey.com

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Directing Your Destiny - a book review

I just finished reading a book called Directing Your Destiny by Jennifer Grace.  She's a former actress who has turned Shakespeare's famous saying "all the world's a stage; and all the men and women merely players" into a manifesting manifesto.  Grace, who calls herself an Executive Dream Producer, works to help people discover their passions and realize their dreams.  She believes that we all sit in the director's chair of our very own movie and most of us aren't directing anything.  We're just existing and allowing life to happen to us.  She says we need to happen to life.  We need to put on our director's hat and start making things happen.  In keeping with the movie theme, her book tells us how to write your own screenplay, produce it and direct it.

Because she's an actress, her book teaches the reader how to act as if the dream has already happened.  Her affirmations are a tad different from most.  Rather than, for example, affirming "The right love enters my life right now," she says to add the feeling you'll have when the dream happens.  So she suggests affirming, "I feel so happy that the right love enters my life right now."  And "I am so relieved that I have paid off all my bills so easily."  Or "I feel thrilled that I am now working my own hours and helping people by doing what I love."  She's a proponent of the "feel it real" law of attraction secret.  You have to be emotionally connected to what you're trying to manifest.

Grace is an advocate of first getting to know yourself before you can know what you want to manifest in your life.  Her book encourages journaling, meditation and something she calls future self-writing where you write letters to your future self.

She encourages people to ask three questions with their manifesting goals -- WHAT, HOW and WHEN.  What is your goal?  How will you accomplish it?  When will you achieve it?

She also writes about how we need to overcome fear, try new things and ask for help in order to achieve our wildest dreams.  She shares a lot of her own stories -- about how she went from divorced mom to in-love and from out-of-work actress to metaphysical teacher and speaker.

While there is nothing new in this book that students of manifesting can learn, her approach is different and fun.  It's easy to think about our life in terms of a movie and it's fun to spend time script writing the way we want our life to go.  She ends her book by reminding us "you are powerful beyond all measure.  This is your life; this is your movie.  You get to decide how it ends."

That's a great reminder for us all.

Happy Reading!

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Crystals For Happiness

In almost all my readings this month, I've come across people who are feeling a bit lost, disconnected and sad.  If you've watched the news, you'll see that so many people are feeling angry and powerless.  We've had bizarre and tragic accounts in the news -- the Navy Yard Shooting, the mother who drove through the barriers in DC and was killed, the man who drove to a court house in Virginia and just began randomly shooting.  The government's inability to get along at all is very frustrating, and I think many of us are feeling as though our parents (i.e the Republicans and Democrats) are divorcing.  I am praying for a resolution to this government shutdown, and I am visualizing pink and gold light around our planet -- pink for love and gold for protection.  Still, we're facing a lunar eclipse on the 18th and Mercury Retrograde on October 21st.  The energy is shifting as I'm sure many of you lightworkers are well aware.  To help us keep our energy upbeat and positive through this change, I've compiled a list of the best crystals to bring joy and happiness into your life.

Sunstone:  This happy, calming stone will help you to feel uplifted, upbeat and confident.  Alchemists of old believed it held the energy of the sun and would use the stone in their rituals to bring power and wealth.  It is associated with the myth of the Phoenix who rises anew out of the ashes thus helping us to rise out of our own ashes.  Sunstone helps people dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder, depression and despair.  Sunstone helps absorb anxiety, fear and anger.  Placed in the home, it will lift the energy in the room.  At work, it will help you feel worthy of a higher position and increase leadership abilities.  Placed in a conference room, it induces feelings of cohesiveness and teamwork.

Citrine: It's believed that Citrine doesn't hold onto negativity.  Often called the Stone of Success, Citrine will also help you manifest money and success.  It teaches you that you are worthy of success and happiness.  It helps absorb depression and a victim mentality.  Citrine when placed in the home will brighten the energy of the room it's in.  At the workplace, it will help you to speak and act with confidence.  It's also a great stone for people who work in the arts and communication fields.  Citrine is recommended for children having to deal with stepfamilies.  It will open the lines of communication with teenagers.  Citrine helps rescued pets feel safe again.  Use Citrine to help you manifest your goals.  Write your goals on a piece of paper and place a piece of Citrine over the paper.  Hold the paper and stone in your hand each day for three weeks affirming and visualizing that this goal is coming to you.

Rose Quartz: Rose Quartz is a stone of love and peace.  It fosters self-love and helps you to release shame, guilt and regret.  It absorbs anger.  Wearing rose quartz will protect you from other people's anger.  It will also help you to learn how to love and appreciate yourself and see the good in others.  Rose Quartz is highly recommended for teenagers, especially young girls, going through changes because it helps them to blossom into adults with healthy self-esteem.  If two people are fighting at work, give them each a piece of rose quartz or place it in an area near their desks.  It will help calm their emotions and see the other's point of view.  Cleanse rose quartz frequently because it will take on a lot of negativity for you.  You can bury it in a bowl of salt, rice or soil.  You can also place it on a large amethyst, carnelian or quartz cluster to cleanse and charge it as well.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Are You an Indigo, Crystal or Rainbow Soul?

Copy and Paste this link in your browser to find out!

http://www.beliefnet.com/Entertainment/Exploring-Indigo-Crystal-and-Rainbow-Children.aspx