Monday, September 19, 2011

What's at the Root of Your Issue?

I keep meeting clients who are facing the same problems over and over in one of four main areas:


These recurring problems are almost ALWAYS rooted in a childhood issue.  Look at the evidence:

HEALTH:  Bob (not his real name) has been dealing with chronic health issues for most of his adult life.  He's broken his back, struggles with diabetes, has battled prostate cancer, esophagus issues, and is in the beginning stages of COPD.  When I asked his guides why he struggles with these issues, they just showed me the number 10.  I asked him if anything significant happened when he was 10.  He said, "Yes, I came down with a terrible illness.  I was throwing up and couldn't eat for almost a week.  I had a headache and a fever.  And my parents didn't believe me.  They never took me to the doctor."  Bob teared up as he spoke about the memory.  Believe it or not, I've seen this same scenario many other times with parents ignoring their children's illness OR overemphasizing the illness.  Both are dangerous and can lead to life long issues.  Bob needs to release his need to prove to the world that he's sick and truly heal.  Once that little 10 year old boy is healed and validated, I'll bet he'll start feeling a lot better.

RELATIONSHIPS:  When Mary's dad left her mom, she was just 8 years old.   She didn't see him again for almost a decade.  Today, Mary's on her third marriage and escapes in repetitive affairs whenever the going gets tough.  Mary needs to heal that 8 year old girl, forgive her father and embrace the concept of commitment to herself while focusing on learning to love and trust herself which will then allow her to reflect the same love to others.  Instead, she's choosing to run from one relationship to another when in reality she's running from the pain of the abandoned 8 year old girl inside her.

CAREER:  Jennifer came to see me to help her find her soul purpose.  She had a college degree, a master's and a law degree but had never found happiness in any job.  Jennifer is obviously bright and committed to obtaining degrees, so why wasn't she happy in any career?  Jennifer grew up very impoverished.  Her family balanced on the edge of homelessness at least twice during her childhood.  She remembers going to bed hungry many nights.  Her mother always told her that education was the way out.  So Jennifer focused and got her education -- many times.  But, she had become addicted to the drama of not having a job, of not having money.  For the first 18 years of her life, the most formative years, that's all she knew -- the fear of not having rent money, food or anything left over to pay the light bill followed by the exhilaration of the last minute miracle that saved the day.  This is all Jennifer knew.  It had become comfortable to her, so she was repeating it in her own life.  By leaving job after job, she was running from the safety and security found in building a career.  Even though she'd gotten her education, she couldn't let go of the comfort she'd learn to find in the chaotic drama of her childhood.

MONEY:  Joe had begun and failed three different businesses.  All were great ideas and began as successful ventures.  Unfortunately, all eventually failed.  Why?  As a child,  Joe's dad had worked hard as a welder.  His mom cleaned houses.  Joe was constantly imbedded with certain phrases he couldn't shake:  Money is the root of all evil;  rich people are mean, stingy, selfish and bad; you have to work hard for your money.  When we explored these concepts further, Joe admitted that he felt as though his parents hated wealthy people and he subconsciously worried that if he became successful, his parents wouldn't love him anymore.  He was unwittingly sabotaging his own success because he was afraid if he made money that his parents wouldn't love, approve or accept him anymore.

We really are the own creators or sabotagers of our own success.  Look at the patterns -- good and bad -- in your own life.  Which of the four big ones alludes you -- health, love, career satisfaction or money?  Then spend some time thinking about your childhood.  Don't focus on what you were taught by your parent(s).  Focus on what you SAW, on how you FELT.  Discover the root cause of your pattern and watch it disappear almost like magic.

I know that sounds silly, but it's true.  Once you recognize the source of the pattern, forgive yourself and send love to yourself, you will release yourself from the cyclical effect of your patterns.

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