I was asked recently to do a television interview about my experiences as a medium. The reporter thought it would be an inspiring story if I spoke about how my husband's shooting and near death forced me to realize what was really important in life and that's how I came to embrace my intuitive abilities. I thought it was a great idea and after talking to her at length, I realized that she was very open to what I did and was not going to try to denounce me or anything like that. There were just a few problems. For one, I'm terrified of being on TV. My husband and I have been interviewed several times to discuss his shooting and recovery and while that was scary, it didn't terrify me because the spotlight wasn't on me. I'm always happy when the spotlight is most definitely not on me. But this time the story would be about me and that was scary. I'm also not crazy about what my hair is doing right now and what would I wear? Just kidding. Well, sort of.
Then I was worried about my children. I don't advertise what I do. I know, I know. I have a website, a blog and a podcast but it's all very small and you have to know about me to find those things. Being on television is for anyone to see, not just people who seek me out. That's a different ball game. So the average person at my church or my children's school does not know what I do for a living, and I like it that way. I do not want them being made fun of.
I polled my friends and family to mixed reactions. Most were pretty nonchalant about it. My husband said, "Do it if you want to. Don't if you feel uncomfortable." Sounds simple, right?
But it wasn't. I wanted to do the show because I do think this work is inspiring and life affirming. But everything else that came with it was too scary. I just didn't feel ready. I knew the answer was no, but I hate, hate, hate to disappoint people. The reporter said she was planning for this story to air during sweeps weeks which meant she'd already gotten it approved by the producer and that they were expecting a lot of interest in the story. So, I continued to toss and turn.
Finally, I threw my hands up and said to my guides, "Look! I can't figure this out. I don't think I should do this, but I feel that I should. You need to give me an affirmative sign."
The next day when I woke up, I lost my voice. Gone. I have a terrible case of laryngitis. I've had to cancel all my readings for today and tomorrow. But, really, I just have to laugh. When my guides give a sign, boy do they give a sign. I had to decline the interview in an email today.
And you know what's really strange? I kind of like not having a voice for awhile. My kids have had to figure out their own fights between each other. My oldest read a book to us at bedtime tonight, and when they talk to me, they whisper just like me. It's so cute and peaceful too!