Do We Choose When We Die?

This past July I had a very vivid dream where I woke up, walked into my kitchen and saw my aunt (still alive) and my mother-in-law (already transitioned) standing in my kitchen.  I hugged both of them and marveled at how beautiful and young my mother-in-law looked.  She looked at me just as excitedly and said, "Your aunt has wonderful news for us.  She's decided."  I remember feeling very happy and hugging my aunt.  She looked relieved but a bit scared too.  I stared into her eyes and said, "Are you sure?" She nodded.  I hugged her again and said, "This is the best decision you can make for your family and you're very brave.  When will you transition?"  She said, "In the next five to seven months."

When I woke up, I told my husband and he said, "No way.  She's only 61 and is in perfect health."

I agreed with him and hoped my dream was wrong.  My aunt had just welcomed her third grandchild and had just retired from a long and tiring career as a nurse.  But two weeks later, we learned that my aunt was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  She passed away this week, exactly five months after I had that dream.  It's left me with more questions than answers.  Do we really know when we're going to die?  Do we really have any say in it?  And if you could choose the date of your passing, why would you pick a few days before Christmas?  And how could any of this be the right decision for her family?

I have no answers for these questions -- only more questions.  But after the meditations I've been doing regarding my clients dealing with their elderly parents coupled with this experience, I am starting to wonder if we do have some say in our passing.  I got the feeling that my aunt was strongly advised to die when she did and that if she hadn't her illness would have been a huge burden on the family.  Could it be true?

When my husband was a police officer, I worried about him a lot.  He would always say to me, "You have nothing to worry about. I'll fight my way back from heaven.  I'll will myself to live."  He said this with such conviction that I almost believed him.  And years later, he proved this to be true.  No one, not one doctor, believed he'd survive the shooting.  And he faced one catastrophe after another in the hospital from complications with the tubes to pneumonia.  But he fought every one and came back to his family.

So, I don't know, maybe we do have some say.  This thought goes against everything I've ever been taught by my faith, and I'm going to have to sit with it for some time or just surrender it to one of the mysteries of life.

Crystal of the Week: Pietersite

I just bought a piece of Pietersite today.  I'm not proud to admit that I bought a gift for myself while out shopping, but this particular stone just called to me.  It's not the prettiest stone out there -- that's for sure, but it does feel wonderful.  Its energy is calming, soothing and very reassuring.

Pietersite is named after Sid Pieters who discovered the stone in 1962 in Namibia.  This is a highly spiritual stone that assists the seeker on reaching loving levels of high vibrations while meditating.  The stone will help you reach the Akashic records and especially works on past life recall.  Peitersite will help you remember why you incarnated in this life time.

As humans, we can often feel alone and separated from others, when in reality we are all connected.  Wearing Pietersite helps us remember that we're from a source of love and are still a part of that love.

It connects you to your own inner guidance and helps you to hear the guidance of your spirit guides and guardian angels rather than listening to the opinions of those around us.  If you were emotionally manipulated by a parent or authority figure, Pietersite works to break that manipulation allowing you to be truly independent.  If you made vows of poverty or celibacy in a past life, Peitersite will help to break those bonds.

Pietersite will open the third eye while stimulating the pineal gland so it will support an increase in spiritual visions and psychic development.   Judy Hall says Pietersite "promotes walking in your own truth."  Cassandra Eason believes that Pietersite will "help you soar spiritually, especially if time for yourself is limited or too often cut short by other people's crises."

Letting Go Of Life -- Helping Our Elderly Loved Ones Transition

I've said before that my readings tend to lump together in themes.  I'll have a month of clients going through divorces.  And then another month of clients enduring job loss and layoffs.  For the past two months, I've dealt with clients who are care taking a parent.  The stress and emotional turmoil this care has on the son/daughter and his/her family is overwhelming.  I keep encountering adult children who have met their limit and yet because of love, guilt and a desire to be a good child, they keep on keeping on. My clients are dealing with parents who have many needs.  They are in assisted care facilities or living with their adult children and requiring round the clock care.  Some of my clients have parents who need more assistance and are refusing that help insisting that they only want their children's help.

I did a reading recently for a woman whose mom had several health problems and had been home bound for the last nine years.  My client was worn out from taking care of her mom.  She had put off dating after divorce and hasn't been on a vacation in almost a decade. When I asked her guides why the mom was still here on this earth when she clearly had no quality of life, they told me that her soul had contracted to leave earth when she was 83.

"How old is your mom?" I asked my client.

"88."

Her guides said that her mom was staying longer than she was supposed to because she liked being taken care of.  She felt as though she'd earned it and wasn't budging.  When I relayed this to my client, she said, "Well, that makes sense.  My mom had to take care of her little brother when their mom died and then she took care of dad through years of MS.  I guess she feels it's her turn."

I did a reading for another client whose mom just got more and more belligerent as the years passed.  When I tuned into her energy, I sensed years of resentment built up because she'd spent her life taking care of others and not herself.  She'd abandoned her nursing career and hopes of becoming a doctor to raise a family and subconsciously resented her family because of that.  Now she spends her days insisting that her children drive her to her appointments, pay her bills and literally handle all aspects of her life.

It's a terrible way to live for everyone involved.

I've heard similar messages to that over and over -- parents who feel as though they've earned the right to be taken care of even though it's at the expense of their children's time, money and emotional stability.  Many of these parents are stubbornly refusing outside help and insisting that only their children can help them.

If you're dealing with this, please know that you're not alone and that you're going to need help.  If your parent(s) won't let you hire help, then you can get help through counseling, reaching out to friends and scheduling lots of breaks for yourself.

Some of the parents I tune into are simply afraid to die, and so they're desperately clinging on even though their quality of life is severely lacking.  One grandfather came through in a reading recently and said, "I was afraid to live and I was afraid to die.  Tell my granddaughter not to make the same mistakes."  Then he showed me PSALM 118:24.  When I looked it up in the bible, I took in a breath as I read:  "This is the day the Lord has made.  Let us rejoice and be glad in it."  What a perfect message to bring back from heaven, I thought.  This day, this one day, is all that is guaranteed to us.  We can't worry about the future or regret the past.  We have to just rejoice in the present and see it for the gift it is.

If you find that you have a parent or loved one who is afraid of dying, try praying with them to remind them of their link to spirit.  Give them or read to them books that affirm the beauty of life in all its forms. Some I would recommend include:

Life After Life and Glimpses of Eternity by Raymond Moody

Visions, Trips and Crowded Rooms by David Kessler

Glimpses of Heaven by Trudy Harris

What's Behind Your Kindness?

I overheard a woman talking the other day about how angry she was because she'd held a door open for another woman who never thanked her.  "Just kept talking on her cell phone and breezed right through that door."  Her friend remarked, "I hate it when that happens.  As if we have nothing better to do than hold the door open for people."  The woman nodded enthusiastically.  "I know!  So you know what I did?  I yelled after her, 'You're welcome!'"

I had to smile to myself when I heard this conversation because it used to be one of my biggest pet peeves too.  I mean, really, it is very rude to not say thank you.  But, still, it begs the question, "What's behind your kindness?"  Are you being nice to others for what you'll get back in return?  Are we really that tit for tat?  I'd like to think not.  I try to be nice every day.  I try to reach out and help others when I can and what you do or do not do with that kindness is none of my business.  I'm nice to people because I like being nice - not because I want to be seen as nice nor because I need to receive that kindness in return -- although that's nice to.

I know the thrill of a "thank you."  And it is wonderful, but ultimately that's not why we are supposed to do kind things.  Being kind and helping others is for US, not those we help.  When we act every day from a place of love, it's we who benefit.

I received an email this week from a woman who wanted to know how she should handle Christmas.  "Every year, I buy presents for my family, but they don't buy me anything in return."  When I asked her why she continued to buy them presents, she said, "Because I love to!"  So I told her to continue doing so and not expect anything in return.  "But I can't have them to dinner and hand out gifts to them because that will make them freeloaders."  Yikes and that comment will make you sound like Scrooge.  We give not to receive.  We give simply to give and hopefully to grow in that space of kindness that presents itself whenever we put ourselves in a giving role.

Every time we help someone, give of ourselves to others and share of our time and talents, we remind ourselves that we can do this, that we have the money, time and talent to share.  And the more we realize that, the more we grow  -- in money, time and talent.  Life is a circle.  What you give out comes back to you.  Like attracts like.  If you give with strings attached, you'll receive with strings attached.  If you give grudgingly, you'll receive in a very limited capacity.  If you feel as though you have nothing to give, you'll receive nothing.

Picture a circle of kindness -- a beautiful rainbow of ever changing and free flowing energy -- and place yourself in that circle.  Then say, "I joyfully open my arms to receive my good so that I may share freely with others.  Use me, dear God, to do your will today and every day."

And when you find yourself in a position to give, surrender all expectation of how that kindness will be received.  And remember -- when you give to others, it's you who receives.

Crystal of the Week - Pyrite

Even though this crystal is often referred to as Fool's Gold, there's nothing foolish about this powerful stone. Pyrite derives its name from the Greek "pyr" which means fire -- an apt name for a stone that will light a fire within you to turn your thoughts into actions.  Pyrite helps to increase one's self-confidence.  It grows naturally into cube like formations.  Its square shape acts as a shield protecting its wearer from negativity from within and without.  The golden color works to protect you from depression as it helps to increase your physical and emotional stamina.

Because of its strong protective elements, it makes a great gift for someone working in a dangerous job.

Pyrite is also a great stone to place in your money corner as it will help to draw abundance to you.  It's known as a stone of financial luck too, so carry a small piece in your wallet and visualize money coming your way!

How To Deal With Angry People

I've come across many people this month who are angry for wrongs committed against them.  These people have a right to be angry, but there must come a time when we ask ourselves, "Why am I still in this fight?" Most of these arguments are unspoken because there's so much water under the bridge.  As we approach the stressful holiday times, these undercurrents of anger can feel very intense.

But here's what I'd like everyone to consider: if someone is being mean to you and is acting in such a way to make this painfully clear, who wins if you get angry, upset and hurt in return?  THEY DO.  And you lose.

More importantly, why even join in the battle?

People who maintain a negative, angry attitude are sad and depressed and insecure.  Trust me, angry people are never happy people.  Yes, we all get angry and anger can be a great motivating source.  But I'm talking about the people who always choose anger, passive aggression and negativity over all other emotions.  These are people to be pitied and prayed for not ones who should be allowed to hurt us.

And let me make this very clear -- if an angry person is hurting you, it is your choice to remain hurt.  We have a choice in every, single situation we face.  Never forget that.

Why does this family member dislike you or that co-worker despise you?  Who knows?  And, more importantly, who cares?  You have better things to do with your time and energy.  Do not allow them to suck your energy dry because if you let them, they will.

If you find your blood boiling around these angry people, if you find yourself talking incessantly about the person to others, then you can bet that you too have caught the angry bug.

To make yourself immune from the angry bug, remember these tips:

Someone's anger toward you is NOT a reflection of you.  Their anger only reflects poorly on them.  What they think of you is none of your business.  Really.  Anger is born of jealousy, insecurity, hatred, regret, unforgiveness and deep depression.  It is not rooted in your actions but rather in their shadow.  When you can see this, really see this, you just might find that you feel sad for this angry person and might even feel compassion for them.  That is the goal.

When dealing with the angry person, do not allow yourself to be pulled into their angry vortex.  If they brag, let them.  Congratulate them too.  If they try to one up you, give them the lead.  I think this might be what Jesus meant when he said the meek shall inherit the earth.  For it is in doing so that you will truly win.  What is your prize?  Peace, love and joy.

Crystal of the Week -- Angelite

Known as the Angel Stone, Angelite with its heavenly blue color will assist you in making a deeper connection with your guardian angel. Angelite assists in releasing blockages from your chakras.  Cassandra Eason recommends rubbing Angelite on your palms and soles of your feet to remove these blockages and allow energy to flow more freely.  It can assist any sound healing therapy.

Angelite encourages peace, healing and serenity.  It protect the wearer from cruel and negative people.  In Eason's book The Illustrated Directory of Healing Crystals, she writes, "Angelite will return bad wishes as waves of compassion."

It helps the wearer to increase their ability to forgive while helping to combat and face down fears.

Angelite will increase your compassion for others and help to raise your vibrations.  With its nurturing energies, it's a must have for healers.